I have been able to spend much, much more time with Enzo over the past month. It definitely has been an interesting transition after working so much, but I feel the maternal instinct slowly sinking in. Oh, I wish this mothering thing came naturally, effortlessly. Seriously, I look at some other young mothers who seem like superstars. We all know that no one is perfect, but they seem to have it all together--and they look great. We are talking perfect hair and a perfectly serene 3-month old. Today I didn't even shower.
The poor little man is getting molars right now--four of them. Sometimes I wish babies could just be born with a full set of their baby teeth, but in reality, that just wouldn't work. (I am sure you can guess why, but I won't write about that here.) But, in that case, at least I wouldn't feel like I want to cry when I know Enzo is in pain.
Even though I just wanted to keep Enzo home and snuggle him all day long, we both knew that he needed to get out. This little man loves being outside, and that seemed to be a perfect cure for his mouth and spirit. He will not be held in our two-bedroom abode forever.
So, going against my logic (which said that it was pretty chilly outside), I tucked a blanket in the back seat of the car and headed to Sacajawea Park, where hungry ducks, crunchy leaves, and endless trails were just waiting for us. Enzo was in a happy little dream land.
And so was I--for the first time in several days (he had the flu on Friday and Saturday), Enzo gave me tons of those delectable little ear-to-ear grins. It was a beautiful sight to see.
And that made today wonderful--and it made me okay. I know that I have a lot to learn as a parent, but I am grateful for a child who loves me unconditionally and truly forgives and forgets each day. I am so excited about getting better and being blessed with additional maternal instinct over these next days, months, and years.
And I am grateful to walk through all of this with my little boy (right now it looks more like me running ahead, kneeling down, and coaxing him in my direction), but we will get to the side-by-side stuff soon enough.
